~Mute~

My body moves effortlessly over to my closet. Too ugly. Too small. Too big. What the? I stop the pointless cycle, with no knowledge of what I'm going to wear. You see, it's my first day in a new school. I'm horrified, anxious and on a ticking time bomb!

I want this year to be excellent but, with my luck, I'll screw it up within the first hour. An inhuman noise made its way up my throat and out my mouth.

The door knob wiggles and the large piece of wood noisily moves, till a pint-sized figure was in view; my little sister. "Sissy, did you say something?" Her eyes desperately held a spark of hope, but it vanished the second I shook my head 'no'. "Oh. Well breakfast is ready." A bitty expression of friendliness dashed across her rims, and I felt mine divert into a horseshoe shape. Glum then dangled from her brimming eyes, before she perished from my vision.


 

 

Lying there awake while the salty, clear liquid endlessly streams down my cherry red cheeks. I cannot stand to have this recognition. I wish I'd all just go away. Never, ever, come back.

 

 

Life?

Life?

I really don't know the secret to it.

What do I think?

I don't even know.

God?

Yes.

Having fun?

Yes.

But, do I really know what it holds?

No.

Will I ever conquer it?

Hell no!

 

 

 



Little update! Sorry guys.

 I'm sorry I haven't been writing as much, I was sort of busy. I had this family reunion, but didn't eat the whole day till then and only ate a little bit till I was full then stopped, even though some of the things were sweets, and I stuck to water and diet pop.
 Weighted myself the day of the reunion, and was 151.4, I worked out when I got home and didn't eat for the rest for the day, and when I weighed myself the next day I was 150.4 so I'm really stoked, and still have been going strong, but have decided to restart the A.b.c. diet, because I really want this to be a perfect, completed diet. I believe I can do this, and with my bud Elle, I know I can do it.
 Today I had 400, but plan on having a yogurt (Fat free), bumping my cals to 490, still under 500, so I'm okay.
 Tomorrow I plan on doing the same thing, and eating the same thing as well.
 If anyone would like to do this diet with me, email me at foxmx98@yahoo.com.
 My buddy is doing a different diet that I made up for her, kind of like the 2468 and A.b.c. It's 200 one day, then 300, then 400 and then 250, then go backwards, and repeat until you are done.

A.b.c. diet day 4!

 Day 4 of the A.b.c. diet is going great. I cannot beliebe this is really working out. Usually a cave on the second day, if I haven't already the night of day 1. So, I am aloud 400, but I have been able to keep it to 183 calories. Well, a diet coke says only 0 but some people say it has 1, so I guess you could say I had 184 calories, if so. I plan on having diet coke the rest of the day, to keep me full and not bothered by food. I love diet coke, so I'd actually rather have that then anything else.
 Okay, so I'm going to start documenting my food consumption, in case anyone would like to know what I eat.

Breakfast: Salad, six leaves, 20 cals-Italian dressing (Fat free), 2 tablespoons, 15 cals-10 blueberries, 7.8 cals.

Lunch: One Yogurt (fat free), 90 cals-10 blueberries, 7.8 cals.

Dinner: Salad, six leaves, 20 cals-Italian dressing (Fat free), 2 tablespoons, 15 cals-10 blueberries, 7.8 cals

The 30 blueberries adds up to 23 cals.

Total intake: 183.

 The weird thing, I add up each thing of 10 blueberries, 7.8 cals, and I get 23.4, but I'm on the same site that says its 7.8 for 10, then I switch it to 30 and it says 23.3 so I'm quite confused. I've checked other sits to be more accurate and they say its 23 cals as well. All, well. Ana tells me it'll all be okay, as long as I'm not over the 400 mark. So since I'm not even over the 200 mark, I'm not really worried, just I'm just really obsessed on knowing the EXACT calories in my intake. But, Ana told me to chill out, or I might start to freak, last time I had a calorie freak out, I binged on every fucking thing my meaty hands could latch onto. So, taking her advise, which is always wise, I'm chilling out and just drinking my diet coke.

 

 

 

~Till next time, my little Ana girls~

 

 

 

 

A.b.c. diet day 3 (Weight included) Beau Brooks!!!

Woke up today around 1 something, went pee and weighed myself. I'm now 152.6 lbs! I'm astonished right now. I lost like, 2 lbs in one day. I did skate board and walk around the mall for ages though, then my nephews came over and I skated and played with them for a while too. Man, a 3 and 2 year old really can get tiring. But, it was worth it. Not only because of the exercise, but because I got to play and love on 2/3rds of my favorite boys. My other nephew didn't come, even though his mum and dad were supposed to, but all well, they took him shopping with them, instead of dropping my little baby Hunter off. He's so chunky, its to adorable. Okay, so I have a weak spot for ears that kind of stick out, and his do! I'm just, it's so cute. I cannot help but fangirl over guys with the smallish ears that sick out a bit. Like Beau Brooks...I love his ears so entirely much!

 

Here's a picture

 

 

Just look at those ears!

 

 

 

Okay now I'm just posting sexy picture's of him.

 

  See his ear in this picture...I LOVE IT!!!

 

 

 

     Those eyes, man...those eyes!

 

 

 

 

Aright, I'm done!!! I've got the Beau feels! Need to chill on the pictures and videos of him....Oi, if you don't know, he's part of  'The Janoskians' fucking amaZayn! Look them up on youtube. They're just,  funniest shit I've ever seen!!

 

 

 

Okay, well, I'm off to watch some more America's Next Top Model! And drink some more diet coke.

 

 

~Till next time, my little Ana's~

Update...becasue I'm FREAKING OUT WITH JOY!!!!

Sorry, just a little stoked right now, so I have to tell who ever even read this! I found this diet pill that my brother took when he lost A LOT of weight. He took it and it expanded in his stomach and he literally would go days with out eating, simply because he didn't feel hungry! I just, I'm amazed. I cannot wait to get my money now! This will help me eat less and still be able to do things, because it gives you energy. So no more weakness because of lack of whatever I'm lacking in. Mhm.....OI! I'm so fucking, just..ajhfksdhgklds!!! I cannot sit still. This will help my dieting so much more. I can take this on my fasting days or really low calorie days during the A.b.c. diet! I can finally feel relief, and actually be able to go near food. My brother, when he took the pill, would go near food and have no cravings or desire for whatever it was, rather a fruit or a big chocolate candy bar, he just felt full like 24/7. Still, this is the most brilLiam thing I have ever herd of! My mind ceases to believe it, but well, my brother speaks the truth...and I was there when he lost all the weight, I just didn't know he was taking that pill. Duuude! He would go running at night and kick boxing! See, my brother is like, my hero. So if he took it and found it okay, and lost weight and became built, then HELL YEAH I'm going to do this. I cannot wait to actually start to see the progress I'm making-even better! My brother noticing and being stunned and very proud, not ashamed to say, that 15 year old girl who's got abs and looks bad-ass, is my little sister! I herd him talking to his friends about me, he said. "She's got this kick-boxing thing down, man. Remembers combinations like that. Next year she's gonna be bad-ass." HE SAID I WOULD BE BAD-ASS!! I really cannot wait for this weight to goooo awaaaaay!! I'm so fucking anxious to even speak or sit still. Or even breath properly! O_O

 

 

Okay, so, my goals, before this school year starts, is to be 120 lbs (Less if possible), be training in kick boxing again and to be able to run at least a mile. Those are my really needed goal. I shall start my running tomorrow, kick boxing tomorrow and well, succeed with day 3 of my diet, for 120 lbs! Please, any tips you guys have, cause I know people read this, would be amaZayn! Just, pleeease! Or even just post a link to of tips page would be great. 

Weight and thinspo!

Just weighed myself. I'm 155, but I had a glass of diet coke and also a little before I had something to eat, added my calories so 498.

 

I'm drinking another glass of diet coke, to keep me full. I'm also watching America's Next Top Model!! These model's body's are PhenomiNiall! (Pardon me, I'm a Directioner, also a die hard Bielieber, so if I ever spell believe wrong, you know why ;P )

 

Well, I just thought I'd update, cause I said I would.

 

Here's some Thinspo, my lovely little Ana's!

 

Shmegeh

 

 

 

 

Okay, now some random stuff!

 

 

 This could be you, so keep going, love! You know you want to, and can!

 

 

This is something I'll do every year, on the day I weigh myself and seen my ultimate  goal weight. I'll have like, and anniversary.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Ana Boot Camp (A.B.C. diet) day 2!!!!!

So, today went excellent. I had only 465 calories. I can have 35 more, but I choose to save that for night time, I tend to get hungrier then and want to binge.

 

I just got back from the mall, and before hand I skated around to this place called Bosos and I got a pickle and a large water. I went with my sister, Mary. At the mall, I seen these really dope looking Penny board. Its just, dude, I'm so stoked to get it! I'm getting it when I get my money next. Should be soon. Oi, I cannot wait for this A.b.c Diet to really kick in. I weighed myself yesterday and I was 154.8 when I was 158 about a few days before, then I actually made it up to 159.2 sooo THAT GOT MY LAZY ASS BACK ON TRACK!

 

Any way, I'm bout to have a friend come over and board around. I also plan on going to the gym later on around, 7 maybe. It's 5:57 at the moment, so yeah.

 

 

Well, I'll weigh myself a little later, and then post my weight and other stuff. Oi, I also have some amazing thinspo, so that will also be in the next post!

 

 

~Till next time, my little Ana's~

Ana Boot Camp (A.b.c. diet) day 1

Well, today's been great. So far I've had less then 436 calories. YAY ME!! 1 day down, 49 to go. Well, tomorrow is 500 calories (or less) so I know I can do this, because it was extremely hard to make myself eat more then 90 calories. So tomorrow I just have to make sure I eat 500, maybe a tad less. Then so forth and so forth.

 

Right now I'm off to rent a few movies, (To keep busy) and get some yogurt.

 

~Till next time, my little Ana's~

Carly and Penny boards!! Also diet plan.

Forgot to mention this. The diet I'm starting with Carly, is the A.B.C. diet. Her step mom makes sure she eats. Not cause she knows about her not eating, just cause she does for some reason. Any way, on the days we have to fast, she'll be staying the night, so we'll probably be posting a lot of thinspo to keep us going. She also might be part of my blog too. Let's hope she is. She's really cool too, so I'm happy I found her. She's a grade younger, but who the hell cares, yeah? Aha. Alright, well later. Bout to go night boarding!!! I fuckin love Penny boards!!!

BLAH!!!! I don't even know?

So, I just met this girl named Carly. Well, actually I met her a little bit ago, just we really, just, started hanging out a lot. Turns out, she's really just like me. Trying to lose weight. She weights about 20 lbs more then me, but all well. I can't judge her at all! I shared some of my diet pills with her and she shared some of hers with me. I went with her to Michigan for about 3 days. I made a diet plan and set up my pill taking plan and how much, but for both of us. We did really great, actually. I have got back on my board, and found out she skateboards as well. See, I'm so in-love with skateboarding, that when I plan on boarding, I do it morning till I have to go home, and even then I just skate around my street, but I never ever stop to eat, I never want to, I'm to into boarding to even care about my rumbling tummy. I finally found my great distraction. I also never bring money with me, so that way I'm never tempted. And since I'm out, I'm not even around food. If my dad hands me money as I go out the door. usually I'm quick to spend it on a some water or Arizona tea up at 7-11. The first like, week of boarding around, when I started it up again, I weighed myself on like, the fourth day of skating and I weighed 157, the next day I weighed in I was 156, then the next was 153!!! I was so amazing. That I could be so in-gaged on just cruising around and listen to music with my friend/s, I can lose that much in just a little time.

 

 

Tomorrow, expect some thinspo!!! 

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!

I cannot believe this!! I just weighed myself. Mind I have my suspenders on, hanging low, a shirt, bra, pants, you know, all that stuff. Also I'm on my period, so that kind of screws with my weight as well, not to mention a ate. So, I weighed 158 pounds of UGHLY FUCKING NASTY FAT!!!

 

I have stopped eating a little bit ago and, since I am on my period, it is soooo hard to say no to chocolate, when offered it. But I do and I am just drinking a lot of water. If anyone wants to water fast with me. I'll be doing 5-7, maybe 10 days. So who ever is up for the task. Please, I really need this!

New plan!

Alright, I got the perfect diet plan guys!

• Day 1: Water fast. (Can have only 10 calories worth of fruit or veggies)
• Day 2: Water fast. (Can have up to 5 calories worth of fruit or veggies)
• Day 3: Water fast. (No fruits or veggies)
• Day 4: Dry fast.
• Day 5: Water fast. (No fruit or veggies)
• Day 6: Water fast. (No fruit or veggies)
• Day 7:Water fast. (No fruit or veggies)
• Day 8: Dry fast. (No fruit or veggies) 

After this I'll see what my weight is and Hopefully it will be down to at least 140. I'll then start to eat for only 3 days, only having like 60 to maybe 90 calories a day, and I'll work out too. After these 8 days I'll post my next plan. But i'll be posting in the morning and at night. Maybe if I need some distraction i'll post some thinspo er something. I know I say I'll post and don't always, so this time I'll set alarms telling me to. 

Later Love's....

Fasting buddy and a failure!

Alright you guys. I fucked up my fasting. I know, I am a failure. You're probably reading this shaking your head. I do not know what to do anymore. I want to give up on EVERYTHING. Call it quits for real. No more tears, pain, hatred or sorrow. I want to drive a knife through my heart. I want to sew my mouth shot till I can count my ribs. I want to lock myself in my room till I can stand up and see my hip bones sticking out. I want to starve till the point where I am so weak I can't walk. My breath coming shaky and my heart beat slow. I want to be able to grab my collar bones. I want to be able to grasp my hip bones. I want angel wings. I want that bone sticking out on my shoulder. I want it all. I just, can't seem to reach it. So many other people have seemed to touch it and hold onto it, but I can't. Because I am a failure! I hate this. I try to tell myself to just quite with Ana. Leave her alone and don't let her come back, but every time that spoon or fork makes it's way to my mouth, I shudder and feel disgusting. Having that voice scream at me, trying to force me to put the silver wear down. I want to purge everyone ounce of food in me. 

I am going to six flags with my sister Mary and her boyfriend Andrew. I want to be skinnier for this. I want to bring a friend with as well. I want this. I WILL HAVE THIS!! I will try my hardest to fast this week. I WILL! I just need some support. If anyone out there knows what i am going through and is willing to fast with me for at least 3-5 days. Please leave me a comment of your email. Or if you don't want to give out your email just comment and ill give you mine as a reply. 

I would also like if someone could give me new diet ideas. I take diet pills, but only when I eat. I was wondering if anyone knows a good diet that could make you lose weight between 3-5 days. PLEASE I AM DESPERATE!!!

New idea!

Alright, so I have an idea. I might be selling my dog, Irish, but I really do not want to. She is like my baby and all, so yeah. Here is my idea. If I can make it back down to at least 145 but a certain date, I'll keep my puppy. If I do not then I must sell her. Then if I do not make it, I'll have sold her and will obviously want to buy a ferret. Maybe two, in case one is lonely. But, I cannot buy one until I make it to 139. I know this will work, because I love Irish to death, so I'll do anything to keep her, and if I don't, well i love ferrets sooo entirely much, they are my favorite,  that I'll probably be able to fast really well, because I'll just keep watching ferret youtube videos er something. Wish me luck! Oh, maybe if I make it to 145 in time, then I make it to 139, even though I'll still have Irish, I can take some money and buy myself a Turtle! My dad did say I can get one, even though we have Irish. So, yeah, after this goal thing, i'll do that. 

Alright, well I have to go, I'm watching Pewdiepie. BEST, MOST FUNNIEST, YOUTUBER EVER!! 

Later....I'll update after my fast is finished. I still have some more hours to go. I'll also be doing some more tips later, and probably some thinspo. I might even put up a picture of my little Irish!

I'm sorry!

Oi, me gosh!! I can;t even expain, i need to sleep i'll update tomorrow! Errrg! I keep spelling stuffff wrong. I haven't slept in loner then 24 hours! If i got for, I think a littel less then 12 hours longer, I'll have gone 48 hours with out sleeping. if only it could be with out food, instead of sleeping. okay, oi , dude, okay good night! 

My favorite blog!

Oi, here is that one girls blog by the way. 

http://transparentbeauty.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2009-01-01T00:00:00-06:00&updated-max=2010-01-01T00:00:00-06:00&max-results=50

People piss me off.

People piss me the fuck off. Like so much. They never learn anything. My friend sits there, analyzing me. Then you know what she said? "I read online about someone having and eating disorder."  Are you fucking kidding me, right now? "Really? That sounds gross. Why would someone do that? Wait why'd you look it up?" Then she starred at me. "Well, I did it because one of my friends might be like that. It's not that gross, if it's someones way of living then its someones way of living." Then she was all like, "If my friend actually admits it I'll be fine with it." No way in hell I'm telling her. "Oi, well I hope she tells you. Maybe you should just ask her about it. Be straight about it." I was only saying that so she'd think I really thought she was talking about someone else and maybe think i wasn't. "Well, okay. Tori, are you anorexic?" Now I literally spit everywhere. For real. Now, i am not the one to lie at all. So I found some loop holes and got around the truth with out lying. "Well, why would you think I'm that? That is just plan dumb. You know me, I love food. Do you really think I could go like a day with out food?" I was playing it cool and just asking questions, making her assume things. Never lying. "Yeah, just I thought you were kind of. You've been eating less, I guess it's just your diet. You are losing weight too, so yeah. But if you ever were to be, you could tell me. I'd actually help you out with it. Like with not eating and stuff." I was so close to just saying. "Fine, I'm Pro-Ana. I have a blog and everything. I starve myself for days then binge like hell. I restrict like crazy one normal days and I envy every fucking skinny girl I see. LIKE YOU! When I eat I hate myself and wish for death!" But it stead, "Naw, I think I'm too weak to do that, but If I ever." Never finishing me sentence, cause if I ever, which i have, I would NEVER tell her! Okay enough of my rant, later.    

PHONE!!!!!!!!

Well, guess what? IM BLOGGING ON MY FUCKING PHONE! WHOAD, HELL YEAH, NIGGA! OKAY, WELL THATS ALL I WANTED TO SAY, DONT KNOW WHY IM STILL WRITING IN CAPS, BUT ALL WELL, BYYYYE!