Alright you guys. I fucked up my fasting. I know, I am a failure. You're probably reading this shaking your head. I do not know what to do anymore. I want to give up on EVERYTHING. Call it quits for real. No more tears, pain, hatred or sorrow. I want to drive a knife through my heart. I want to sew my mouth shot till I can count my ribs. I want to lock myself in my room till I can stand up and see my hip bones sticking out. I want to starve till the point where I am so weak I can't walk. My breath coming shaky and my heart beat slow. I want to be able to grab my collar bones. I want to be able to grasp my hip bones. I want angel wings. I want that bone sticking out on my shoulder. I want it all. I just, can't seem to reach it. So many other people have seemed to touch it and hold onto it, but I can't. Because I am a failure! I hate this. I try to tell myself to just quite with Ana. Leave her alone and don't let her come back, but every time that spoon or fork makes it's way to my mouth, I shudder and feel disgusting. Having that voice scream at me, trying to force me to put the silver wear down. I want to purge everyone ounce of food in me.
I am going to six flags with my sister Mary and her boyfriend Andrew. I want to be skinnier for this. I want to bring a friend with as well. I want this. I WILL HAVE THIS!! I will try my hardest to fast this week. I WILL! I just need some support. If anyone out there knows what i am going through and is willing to fast with me for at least 3-5 days. Please leave me a comment of your email. Or if you don't want to give out your email just comment and ill give you mine as a reply.
I would also like if someone could give me new diet ideas. I take diet pills, but only when I eat. I was wondering if anyone knows a good diet that could make you lose weight between 3-5 days. PLEASE I AM DESPERATE!!!
