HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!

I cannot believe this!! I just weighed myself. Mind I have my suspenders on, hanging low, a shirt, bra, pants, you know, all that stuff. Also I'm on my period, so that kind of screws with my weight as well, not to mention a ate. So, I weighed 158 pounds of UGHLY FUCKING NASTY FAT!!!

 

I have stopped eating a little bit ago and, since I am on my period, it is soooo hard to say no to chocolate, when offered it. But I do and I am just drinking a lot of water. If anyone wants to water fast with me. I'll be doing 5-7, maybe 10 days. So who ever is up for the task. Please, I really need this!

New plan!

Alright, I got the perfect diet plan guys!

• Day 1: Water fast. (Can have only 10 calories worth of fruit or veggies)
• Day 2: Water fast. (Can have up to 5 calories worth of fruit or veggies)
• Day 3: Water fast. (No fruits or veggies)
• Day 4: Dry fast.
• Day 5: Water fast. (No fruit or veggies)
• Day 6: Water fast. (No fruit or veggies)
• Day 7:Water fast. (No fruit or veggies)
• Day 8: Dry fast. (No fruit or veggies) 

After this I'll see what my weight is and Hopefully it will be down to at least 140. I'll then start to eat for only 3 days, only having like 60 to maybe 90 calories a day, and I'll work out too. After these 8 days I'll post my next plan. But i'll be posting in the morning and at night. Maybe if I need some distraction i'll post some thinspo er something. I know I say I'll post and don't always, so this time I'll set alarms telling me to. 

Later Love's....

Fasting buddy and a failure!

Alright you guys. I fucked up my fasting. I know, I am a failure. You're probably reading this shaking your head. I do not know what to do anymore. I want to give up on EVERYTHING. Call it quits for real. No more tears, pain, hatred or sorrow. I want to drive a knife through my heart. I want to sew my mouth shot till I can count my ribs. I want to lock myself in my room till I can stand up and see my hip bones sticking out. I want to starve till the point where I am so weak I can't walk. My breath coming shaky and my heart beat slow. I want to be able to grab my collar bones. I want to be able to grasp my hip bones. I want angel wings. I want that bone sticking out on my shoulder. I want it all. I just, can't seem to reach it. So many other people have seemed to touch it and hold onto it, but I can't. Because I am a failure! I hate this. I try to tell myself to just quite with Ana. Leave her alone and don't let her come back, but every time that spoon or fork makes it's way to my mouth, I shudder and feel disgusting. Having that voice scream at me, trying to force me to put the silver wear down. I want to purge everyone ounce of food in me. 

I am going to six flags with my sister Mary and her boyfriend Andrew. I want to be skinnier for this. I want to bring a friend with as well. I want this. I WILL HAVE THIS!! I will try my hardest to fast this week. I WILL! I just need some support. If anyone out there knows what i am going through and is willing to fast with me for at least 3-5 days. Please leave me a comment of your email. Or if you don't want to give out your email just comment and ill give you mine as a reply. 

I would also like if someone could give me new diet ideas. I take diet pills, but only when I eat. I was wondering if anyone knows a good diet that could make you lose weight between 3-5 days. PLEASE I AM DESPERATE!!!

New idea!

Alright, so I have an idea. I might be selling my dog, Irish, but I really do not want to. She is like my baby and all, so yeah. Here is my idea. If I can make it back down to at least 145 but a certain date, I'll keep my puppy. If I do not then I must sell her. Then if I do not make it, I'll have sold her and will obviously want to buy a ferret. Maybe two, in case one is lonely. But, I cannot buy one until I make it to 139. I know this will work, because I love Irish to death, so I'll do anything to keep her, and if I don't, well i love ferrets sooo entirely much, they are my favorite,  that I'll probably be able to fast really well, because I'll just keep watching ferret youtube videos er something. Wish me luck! Oh, maybe if I make it to 145 in time, then I make it to 139, even though I'll still have Irish, I can take some money and buy myself a Turtle! My dad did say I can get one, even though we have Irish. So, yeah, after this goal thing, i'll do that. 

Alright, well I have to go, I'm watching Pewdiepie. BEST, MOST FUNNIEST, YOUTUBER EVER!! 

Later....I'll update after my fast is finished. I still have some more hours to go. I'll also be doing some more tips later, and probably some thinspo. I might even put up a picture of my little Irish!

I'm sorry!

Oi, me gosh!! I can;t even expain, i need to sleep i'll update tomorrow! Errrg! I keep spelling stuffff wrong. I haven't slept in loner then 24 hours! If i got for, I think a littel less then 12 hours longer, I'll have gone 48 hours with out sleeping. if only it could be with out food, instead of sleeping. okay, oi , dude, okay good night! 

My favorite blog!

Oi, here is that one girls blog by the way. 

http://transparentbeauty.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2009-01-01T00:00:00-06:00&updated-max=2010-01-01T00:00:00-06:00&max-results=50

People piss me off.

People piss me the fuck off. Like so much. They never learn anything. My friend sits there, analyzing me. Then you know what she said? "I read online about someone having and eating disorder."  Are you fucking kidding me, right now? "Really? That sounds gross. Why would someone do that? Wait why'd you look it up?" Then she starred at me. "Well, I did it because one of my friends might be like that. It's not that gross, if it's someones way of living then its someones way of living." Then she was all like, "If my friend actually admits it I'll be fine with it." No way in hell I'm telling her. "Oi, well I hope she tells you. Maybe you should just ask her about it. Be straight about it." I was only saying that so she'd think I really thought she was talking about someone else and maybe think i wasn't. "Well, okay. Tori, are you anorexic?" Now I literally spit everywhere. For real. Now, i am not the one to lie at all. So I found some loop holes and got around the truth with out lying. "Well, why would you think I'm that? That is just plan dumb. You know me, I love food. Do you really think I could go like a day with out food?" I was playing it cool and just asking questions, making her assume things. Never lying. "Yeah, just I thought you were kind of. You've been eating less, I guess it's just your diet. You are losing weight too, so yeah. But if you ever were to be, you could tell me. I'd actually help you out with it. Like with not eating and stuff." I was so close to just saying. "Fine, I'm Pro-Ana. I have a blog and everything. I starve myself for days then binge like hell. I restrict like crazy one normal days and I envy every fucking skinny girl I see. LIKE YOU! When I eat I hate myself and wish for death!" But it stead, "Naw, I think I'm too weak to do that, but If I ever." Never finishing me sentence, cause if I ever, which i have, I would NEVER tell her! Okay enough of my rant, later.