~The feeling of nothing is quit lovely.~

~"Feeling of nothing, is quit lovely."~

I ate, ate so much. I binged. I looked in the mirror, my eyes running over my whole body. "I hate you!" My voice screams frantically at the  horrid image being reflected back at me. "You don't deserve to live." I whispered. I feel like Killing myself. Just fading away. To close my eyes, and for them to never open again. To be free. To lie there dead, peaceful. I can't stand this life. Should I call it quits? I questioned myself. Should I say good bye, or should I continue this battle, even though I know I'll end up losing. If I do give up, I feel as though these battle scars were for nothing, but I can't keep going. I'm a fish out of water. I need to breathe and breath of death. That's when it clicked. 

My feet guided me to the bathroom and over to the tub. I placed my hands on the nobs and the hot water started pouring out. I watched as the steam rolled to the ceiling.

The tops of my fingers grazed the sides of my stomach, as my hands heaved my shirt off and onto the floor. Goosebumps flooded my body when my shorts dropped pass my thighs. 

I placed both feet into the warm water. My butt soon collided with the bottom of the tub. I laid back, resting my head on the edge of the bathtub. 

I grabbed the peace of glass, bringing it to the inner arm, where it bent. Wincing at the feeling of it dragging across my flesh, my eyes squeezed shut. I did the same to my right one. 

I placed both arms in the water, after putting the peace of glass back. "This is it." I softly told myself. The tears streamed down my hot, burning red cheeks. 

I closed my eyes and all the foods I binged on twisted around inside my brain. 

I now feel light and numb. The pain is gone! I felt like a burden was being lifted off my shoulders as the blood oozed its way out of my cuts and flowed around my naked, trembling body. I was scared at first, but soon my mind went blank and the tears stopped. The feeling of depression washed away, leaving me empty and happy. While my blood was draining out and leaving my body, my problems were going too. Every moment was a moment closer to leaving my troubles for ever. Every single minute that passed, was making me weaker and weaker. The fuzzy vision and hallucinations soon settled in and everything seemed perfect.

I saw the blood and to me it was all the bad stuff and sadness expelling itself form my lifeless figure. It felt like I was as light as a feather. As if I could fly! I soon felt absolutely nothing as it seemed as if I was floating on air. Dancing with the birds on top of the clouds. Blackness started clouding my eyes sight, till I just say black. I herd music, a very alluring and soothing melody. I want to touch it, but I can't , I can't see it. "Keep going, you can't reach it yet, but you will soon." So I did just as the voice said. I tried, but I was binded by weakness and coldness.

I black out at that moment. Nothing was left, just black emptiness. 

My eyes fluttered open, and I found myself in a hospital bed. Needles were in my arms and I had bandages on both my right and left arm. I let my eyes wounder around, till I saw a sleeping person. Not just any person. 

It was my sister.

I soon found out that it was my sister who saved me. I hated and loved her for that. Hate, because I wish so badly to be back in that moment. Feeling nothing but the air beneath my feet. Love, because she cared enough to save me, and to brake down the door to find out why I wasn't answering her. 

Maybe someone does care.

I will never fully feel loved, but this is  great start, yeah? 

I felt a binge coming on and I was bored, so I decided to write a little short story. 

Later...

~Lots of Love, Tori~